Monday, February 28, 2022


Dear Mummy's boy. 

I hope you are having a great day today. It has come to my notice that you are now interested in going into a relationship, and you are planning on getting married in a few years. 

I must say congratulation that you have grown this much, but I really wonder if you have only grown in size or you also grew in understanding. 

I hope you know you would have to stop being a mummy's boy if you are serious about getting it right in this relationship and marriage institution. 

I have met some of your colleagues who decided to do what you are about to do in the past, but they lacked the understanding of what it meant for two people to come together as husband and wife, and today they are very much single again or currently having a lot of difficulties in their marriage. 

Why I had to send you this letter right now is because I don't want you to make the same mistakes your peers have made over the years. I know as a mummy's boy, your mother comes first to you right now. She means the world to you, and she shouldn't stop meaning the world to you because through her, God gave you life. 

And for the number of years you have been on this earth, she has made a lot of sacrifices for you, and it's okay to feel very attached to her, especially as a single parent (maybe). But if I don't tell you this truth, you will mess things up. 

I want you to know that if you decide to date or even get married, there will be a few changes and adjustments that would need to be made. I know you love your mom, but the moment you get married, your wife becomes the most important person in your life. 

I know this sounds somehow, but that is the truth. That is how the institution of marriage was designed to be. Kids too come and go, but the one you marry is the one that will be with you for the rest of your life. 

According to God, the HOD of marriage. He said to seek God first, and other things will be added. He also said a man and woman would come together, become one, and whatever He (God) has joined, let no man put asunder. 

This means that to God, this is the marriage institution tree. 
1. God 
2. Your Spouse
3. Your kids 
4. Your Family (Father, Mother, Sibling)
5. The rest of the world. 
You remember you got the name tag mummy's boy because your mom dictates all you do in life. My mom said this. My mom said that. My mom won't like it. My mom won't agree. 

Sir, if you don't learn how to stop this now, you may get married tomorrow, but you must get ready for a difficult marriage. The clash between mothers and daughter in law is most times due to the man not being mature enough to handle this situation. 

I am not saying you should stop listening to your mother or parents in general or caring about them, but the truth is that the moment you say I do, your spouse becomes the most important person in your life. This means that you protect her, keep her safe on all levels, listen to her needs and concern, and her desires come first. 

Some other people get married today and have kids and start to focus on their kids, forgetting who they married. I want to let you know that those kids will grow and still get married leaving you and your partner is still all you will have, and if you don't have a good relationship with her, you will understand the misery you have put yourself into. 

Two has become one. You are your partner, and your partner is you just the way your father and mother are one, and they put each other above other things. 

Something you should think about. 
What if your father put your grandmother above your mother and your grandmother called the shots in your father's house, and you couldn't get all your mom wanted you to have because your father refused to give it to you because your grandmother said otherwise, as a kid how would you feel and who do you think your mother would feel not being able to do things for you because your father won't listen to her because of your grandmother. Think about it. 

That's what it feels like when you allow your mom to decide what happens in your home. Your hurt your wife and kids. Be a man and run your home as a team with your wife. It's your home and not your mother's home. 

The nuclear family tree is Husband, Wife, and Children. I can't find mother or father there. So grow up in understanding, sir. I hope this letter meets you well. Talk to you later.

Ladies, share this with the men in your life.

Sunday, February 27, 2022

Venerated Journalist, Choves Loh celebrates 30 years in Marriage

              Choves Loh and wife
Some 1000  persons  on  Sunday 27th February 2022 joined Choves Loh and wife to count the blessings of 30 years of their marriage. The Pearl anniversary in matrimony was celebrated by the Archbishop of Bamenda, His Grace, Andrew Fuanya Nkea at the Regina Pacis Mission station church, Ndamukong, Bamenda. It was a rare moment for colleague journalists, family and the Christian community that filed out to cheer and celebrate marriage, the product of love. It was equally a moment to come face to face with a man of God, Archbishop Nkea who excels in inspiring sermons.
        His Grace, Andrew Fuanya Nkea

      Drawing inspiration from Luke 6:39 - 45, the Archbishop told faithful that  a  blind can't lead a blind.He called on  worshippers to accept their limitations in life because  not everyone has the same gifts and talents but everyone's gift counts in society. He further said, true leadership is about servitude and not lording over others. Not everyone is born to be a leader, don't force it, if you know its not in you, else you will lead others to shamble.
He stressed that a  disciple  can never be superior to his  Master. The Bishop said that  humility is key. The Man of God urged all  to respect and  honor all those who helped you grow. He preached against  unrealistic criticisms.  Wise people, he said, rather work to handle their weaknesses.
   His Grace, Andrew Nkea with celebrants

      In all, the homily addressed the wider need of family for a stable society. To hear him,  “Healthy marriages and Strong families serve society by bringing forth healthy children and maturing young adults, by being a rich source of support for others in time of crisis and a role model worth emulating for younger generations. Stable families, he said,  are the first and best answer to many of the personal and social consequences of hardship and deprivation today. Families are often best placed to respond to those needs.  No intelligent government can continue to ignore the urgent priority of giving support and practical encouragement to marriage and family stability as the first response to growing social needs.”

     He saluted Choves and wife for demonstrating  that faith is not an impediment to love. He wished them well as respectively, a Non Catholic and Catholic  showcasing values of love and a family life that inspires hope in ecumenism.

    Choves Loh, the Author of the Book, " Ugly Journalism" is the Head the North West office of the National Printing and Publishing Corporation, SOPECAM. His wife, Esther has served as an Agricultural Engineer. She is  currently into humanitarian activities and Author of a Special publication on Stress.

By VictoryMarshal Ayafor Basang
(The States Lady)

Saturday, February 26, 2022


The following are some misconception singles are having concerning sex and relationship.  

1. Relationship can only be strengthened through sex: This misconception is installed into the system of many singles who are claiming to be in one form of relationship or the other. They believe, the only way to strengthen their relationship is to be having sex . If this is what you believe, you are very wrong. Nothing weakens your relationship and destiny like pre-marital sex. While sex strengthens relationship among couples, it weakens it among singles.  

2. No Relationship can survive without sex: Many singles believe that relationship cannot survive without sex and they rush into sex. Nothing kills relationship among singles like sex. I need to let you know that, there are relationships that are flourishing and surviving without sex and sexual pollution. We still have godly single guys and ladies in relationships who have made covenant of sexual purity with God in their relationship and they are keeping to that.   

3. If our relationship will not be boring we must be having sex: Sex in your relationship will only make God’s anger to be burning on you. There are lovely activities you can engage in, in your relationship that will not make your relationship boring. Premarital sex will not only make your relationship to be boring, it will also make your life to be boring to God.  

4.One of the ways a lady can keep a guy in a relationship is to give him sex regularly: Many ladies have become sex slave all in a bid to keep their boyfriends. If you are giving that guy sex just because you want to keep a guy to yourself, you are really a looser. You may keep that guy to yourself but you are losing many things. You lose your virginity, you lose your relationship with the Lord, you lose your innocency, you lose your dignity as lady, e,t.c. 

5. The best way to prove love in a relationship is to have sex: This is a lie from the pit of hell and many singles are holding tenaciously to it. Sex is one major way married couples can prove their love to one another but it is the fastest way by which singles can prove their stupidity and lust for each other in their relationship. Ladies, don’t mistake sex for love. That guy could be sleeping with you 24/7 but he might not love you. He is just in love with what is under your pant. Stop fooling yourself!  

6.Once we have introduced ourselves to our parents nothing stops us from having sex: Another misconception singles have about sex and relationship is that, once they have introduced themselves to their family members, nothing stops them from having sex with each other. Listen to this, no matter whom you have introduced yourself to in your relationship, as long as you are not yet pronounced as husband and wife, any sexual relationship between the two of you introduces both of you to God as fornicators and you will be punished by God unless you repent. (Hebrews 13:4). 

7. I will use what I have to get what I need: This misconception is common among ladies. Many ladies are using their sexual organs to get monthly allowance from their boyfriends, fiancรฉs. Many of them believe they can use their body in sex to get their school fees, hostel rent fee, or even their wardrobe allowance, upkeep allowance with a round of sex. Are you a lady and you are guilty of this destiny crime? You are using your body in sex to get things or material possession from your boy friend, fiancรฉ or man friend? Shame on you! Your sexual organ is not where men should come in and out as if they are visiting the toilet. Repent and make a new decision for God. Why should you lose your destiny because of ordinary iPhone that you can produce yourself in the future?   
If you have any or all of this misconceptions in your mind about sex and relationship, it is time for mind formatting and re-orientation.  

Say No! to sex before marriage if you claim to know the Lord. If those who oppose the Word of God are saying there is nothing bad in sex before marriage, should those of us who know the mind of our God still ignore and despise His words? Think on this. Sexual purity pays! It paid me and it is still paying me big term. Embrace it with all your heart.  
I love you and I desire you remain sexually pure!  

Tuesday, February 22, 2022


We live in a context that you have to be extra careful with the way you tread. One can be seen now, and the very next minute, tragedy hits. So here are some basic tips on how you can keep safe in our specific context:

1. Never use car stickers that says where you work, especially if you have a prestigious job.

2. Never share pictures of your kids in their school uniforms or badges. Protect your kids!

3. When you attend parties, don't let the band get you so high that you start spraying money like no man's business, use an envelope.

4. Don't be the one that tries to empty the ATM machine by making large withdrawals ...You don't need 50k in your wallet to feel important.

5. Always delete your bank transaction notifications, especially really can memorize your bank balance....Shred ur POS/ATM receipts.

6. Don't go jogging whiles it's dark, you really should be smarter than that. If you can, get someone trusted as company then.

7. Always lock your doors, even if you're only going out to switch off your generator.

8. NEVER EVER, NEVER EVER WEAR YOUR ID or professional badge outside your work place. No one needs to know where you work

9. Be accountable to your spouse or parents, let someone know where you are at every point.

10. As much as you can, don't send kids alone on errand outside your house, they are soft targets. 

11. Don't try to show you are the richest in the neighborhood by making large donations in your estate meetings, learn modesty.

12. When you give, give with modesty and privately, learn to say "I can't spare that amount now". 

13.  Don't stay late in your office long after closing hours. That deadline work can be done at home.

14. Make safety the number one factor in your decision always!
God will keep and protect you as you also apply discretion.

15. Mind what you post about yourself on social media especially your house address etc.

May you not be a victim of kidnapping in Jesus name.


๐‘๐ž๐š๐, ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ž, ๐ฌ๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐ง๐ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฉ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ

These are words that give confidence to your spouse. They give your spouse security and clarity and once that exists, your spouse will invest all she/he has with you. Words such as "I am blessed to have you", "I love us", "We are really good together"

These words plant seeds of uncertainty in your spouse, they make you spouse uncertain about a future with you, making your spouse begin to withdraw and hold back and even feel used. Words such as "My mom warned me about marrying you", "I want a divorce", "I regret ever meeting you"

These words are flirtatious and suggestive designed to arouse your spouse. Words such as "I am horny", "I miss kissing you", "I want you so bad", "That dress looks so good on you, can't wait to remove it". When your spouse speaks these words to you, kindly respond back and participate with the flirting 

These words motivate and encourage your spouse to be better or to pursue his/her dreams. Words such as "I believe in you", "You can do this", "I am proud of you" keep your spouse going 

These words make your spouse feel less of a person, belittled and disrespected; words such us "You can be so foolish", "Did you really go to school?", "What does someone like you know?", "You need to go back to your mother to teach you how to be a wife?", "No wonder your exes left you"

You could be saying words that need to be said or a correction that is needed but it comes off as rude because of your tone or lack of courtesy. Words such as "Move, I need to pass", "Can't you do something better with your time?", "You look fat" can bruise based on delivery

These words spoken make your spouse feel like you are fed up, jealous and thinking ill thoughts of your spouse. Words such as "Mmmh... So you think you are special just because you got a job?", "Mscheew, you cannot do anything good", "I have loved other men better than you" do so much harm 

These are provocative words spoken that easily lead to arguments and disagreements especially on sensitive topics. Some people can't go for a week without starting fights, they thrive on conflict. Avoid these words, don't pick up fights

These are words you tell a hurting spouse and they show empathy, words such as "It will be OK", "I am here for you", "We will pull through this together" bring about healing 

These are words that your spouse would love to receive from you but for some reason you are not saying them, words such as "I love you", "I am sorry", "You are my priority, not my friends". Don't deny your spouse a chance to hear love

These words prompt your spouse to open up and talk. Words such as "How was your day?", "What is your dream in life?", "How do you feel about this?" get you talking 

These are words that declare the greatness of your spouse. Words such as "You will do great things", "The world will one day know how amazing you are" are prayers 

These words are for peacemakers.  Words such as "I don't like it when we fight", "Why don't we make up? ", "What can I do to make things better?" soothe the soul

Words are powerful, they make or break a relationship. Words once spoken cannot be taken 

๐™๐™๐™š ๐™Ž๐™ฉ๐™–๐™ฉ๐™š๐™จ ๐™‡๐™–๐™™๐™ฎ'๐™จ ๐™‡๐™ค๐™ซ๐™š ๐˜พ๐™ก๐™ž๐™ฃ๐™ž๐™˜
๐Œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ๐ฌ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก ๐ฐ๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐˜๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ ๐‹๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐ƒ๐จ๐œ๐ญ๐จ๐ซ

๐Š๐ข๐ง๐๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐’๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ž, ๐œ๐จ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ, ๐ฅ๐ข๐ค๐ž, ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฐ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ข๐ง๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ๐ž ๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ฌ ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฉ.

Monday, February 21, 2022


Hubby and I have written our goals for the year and I thought it was a good idea to share goals which would be helpful to other marriages too. Enjoy the read

1. Ensure to pray at least once a day with your spouse. If you don't live together, pray over the phone. A couple that prays together stays together.

2. Apologise immediately. Don't let hurts linger. This year, choose to apologise, not your way but the way your spouse appreciates it. Know your spouse's language of apology.
In the same vein, forgive in advance. Your spouse will offend you, most of the time unintentionally, give allowance for offences and when they happen, be willing and ready to forgive. Don't give room for the enemy to sow seeds of bitterness in your heart and marriage. 

3. Be committed to budgeting. We have a fortnightly budget that we started last year and it really worked for us! Now we are debt free! 
Buy only what you can afford, if you can't afford it and you need it, save towards it. If you must take a loan, make sure it is for an asset like buying a house and not a liability like a car! 

4. Date each other at least once a month. We have decided every two weeks. 
Strengthen the friendship between you both and take each other out for a walk, a movie date, a lunch or dinner date... Just the two of you, if you've got kids, find someone to help look after them.

5. Have sex regularly. Sex strengthens the intimacy between couples. Don't just ignore this area of your marriage, make it a priority to satisfy each other sexually. Don't stop there spice it up trying new styles this year.
I'm taking mine to the next level and will be signing up for sex courses. You will get all the gist exclusive on my blog only. 

6. Communicate more. Don't continue to assume your spouse will know what's on your mind and how you feel. Remember that without communication, there's no information and without information, there's no understanding. Ensure that you both are willing to talk about issues on your mind and you both listen to each other.

7. Be more committed to God. Spend time as a couple studying God's word. I've decided to finish reading the Bible for the first time this year and share with hubby all I'm learning and it has been fun so far.
In addition, attend church services regularly and find a unit in church where you both can serve God with your talents and gifts wholeheartedly.

8. Teach your children God's word. Last year we were consistent with teaching our 4 and 5 year olds memory verses, today they know about 20 of them. This year our goal is different. It is not enough to allow them follow you to church, make out time to teach them God's word and lead them to Christ when they understand.

9. Determine to speak each others love language more fluently this year than ever before. If your spouse’s love language is quality time, don't waste your time showering him or her with gifts which would mean nothing. Be ready to change this year and express love in ways meaningful to your spouse.

10. Divorce is not an option! Do your best to work together and not against each other. Realise that you are a team. Wives, be determined to respect your husbands this year and husbands be determined to love your wives no matter what. 

There you go. God bless you and your marriage! 

Thanks for reading. 

If you have been inspired by this please feel free to share with others. 

The States Lady


Knowing your partner's weakness will help you know how to help them in marriage, this is crucial! Don't take your partner's weaknesses with levity, it determines the success or failure of your marriage. What breaks marriages are not our strengths, they are the weaknesses we refuse to deal with. If you don't know how to handle your spouse's weaknesses, your marriage will fail!

Some men have serious problem with women. Once he sees a woman, his antenna goes up! For some men it is the breasts! It doesn't matter if the breasts are sagging and dry, as long as it is well packaged and looks, voluminous, he completely lose his senses! If you are marrying that kind of man, ensure your breasts are well packaged, full and voluminous all the time. This is hard reality! To hide behind scriptures and say "If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature" is to prepare for heart attack when he finally runs off with a busty Suzie! 

Some weaknesses won't go, you just have to manage them! God didn't take Paul's weakness away, He simply told him, "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my power is made perfect in weakness..." God didn't heal Moses of his stuttering, he only provided him an assistant to help him whenever he needed to speak. We should deal with our weaknesses but there are some that only your spouse can help you deal with! If you know from the depth of your heart, you won't be satisfied with small breasts,  pray to God to give you a busty woman!

Some ladies have a very high libido, they shiver when a man touches them and sexual thoughts run through their heads immediately, they think about sex most of the time and they can't stay alone with a man for 30 minutes. My dear sis., control your sex drive as a single lady but pray for a man high, romantic and can last in bed. If you don't marry a man who can satisfy you sexually in marriage, there is a 60% chance you will commit adultery!

Not all men can handle virgins, they do not have the patience to gently deflower her and gently teach her how to have and enjoy sex, they are used to the express road and a new learner is a source of irritation to them. I've met guys who are virgins who don't want to marry virgins, they all want a woman who is experienced and good in bed and there are men who passionately despise ladies with sexual past. They must marry virgins or no woman at all!

Tell God about your needs, He will supply them. "And my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus". He knows your desires and if you ask earnestly, He will grant them for "the desires of the righteous shall be granted".

Share your expectations in courtship, don't keep quiet or be ready for shockers in marriage! One lady told me her fiance said he was going to be a Pastor and he would need plenty of sex to keep sane as there would be lots of temptation from ladies in church. Though the lady is a virgin and they does not believe in pre-marital sex, she knows what to expect in marriage.

Another lady said her fiance wants her to give him oral sex in marriage. He was used to having oral sex with his EX. The lady was a virgin and hates oral sex with passion! Prayer won't change this man! To waste your saliva praying God should change him is an exercise in stupidity! Either prepare to give him oral sex or end the relationship, simple! Some stupid ladies out of desperation will go right ahead and marry him claiming the Holy Spirit led them, refuse to sexually satisfy him in marriage and claim the devil is after them after the marriage crashes! Open your mouth and brain in courtship or you spend the rest of your married life in sorrow! This is hard reality!

Some ladies can't handle poverty!  I mean, they can't live without money. They do not have the capacity to start small with any man. Pray for a man who has money lady. But don't complain if he doesn't respect you much, you are not part of his success story.

What are your needs, what are the qualities you can't do without in a partner? Go for someone who has these qualities or else you get tempted when you see someone who has what your spouse lacks in marriage!

I love sincerity, integrity, honesty, truth, openness and intelligence! I want him tall and slim, I got what I needed! My husband can't do without intelligence; he wanted a lady who is sharp, smart, bold, courageous and a risk taker, he got his needed.

I like him romantic and passionate. I want a man who has my time. I could never marry a Doctor or a traveller, my nature can't take it. I want a man who has my time, communicates with me, touches me and is there for me. He wants a woman who gives him quality time, is involved in what he does and responds to him passionately. we are both perfect match made from heaven! I don't have the need to hug every Tom, Dick and Harry, I'm regularly hugged, touched, wanted and needed, he has never been attracted to another woman, his needs are met at home. 

Your needs are very important, if they are not met at home, somebody else will meet them outside! That is the truth. It is the reason for affairs, at least 80% of men now have affairs, Pastors, inclusive!

Don't shut your brain when choosing a life partner! Open your spiritual and physical eyes while picking a mate, watch your partner first then pray to know if they are the one. "WATCH and pray" is what the Holy Book says. You will not mis-choose in Jesus name. FEEL FREE TO SHARE. God bless you. Cheers.

Sunday, February 20, 2022


1. Don't go back to an ex just because you miss the sex

2. Establish boundaries between you and your ex. It is easy to slip back to an ex due to past experiences shared. Move on completely lest you confuse and hinder your progress 

3. Before you date or marry someone, find out what happened to lead to their break up with the ex lest they import the mess from their previous relationship into the one they are building with you 

4. Before you get into a new relationship, make sure things between you and your ex are completely over. An undecided heart breaks other hearts 

5. You don't have to keep in touch with your ex. This is because you can easily find yourself being mindful of the feelings of your ex, forgetting the feelings of your current partner. Your loyalty and responsibility is to your new found love 

6. Don't keep praising your ex to your current partner 

7. How you treat and talk about your ex will either make your partner very secure or very insecure 

8. If you have a child/children with your ex and you two have chosen to co-parent, keep boundaries. Let your communication be based on your parenting. Your current partner will not mind if you are honest, transparent and clear on boundaries 

9. If your ex is taken or you are taken, stop feeding your past emotions by telling each other "I miss you" or calling each other "Sweetheart"

10. Don't compete with your ex on who is moving on and succeeding in life better between you and your ex.  This will make you lose your focus and purpose in life as you try to prove a point. Remember your life doesn't revolve around your ex

© The States Lady

Thursday, February 17, 2022


 You are more than a cook and baby factory. You are on a earth for a purpose. What is your vision,  what is your mission? What is your reason for existence?

If you have no job or business you are doing and you are looking for an ATM man to dump all your financial responsibility on,  you will end up a leech,  not a wife,  a sucker,  not a giver,  a liability,  not an asset,  a burden not a burden bearer! Get a job!

Some ladies are in their twenties and they look close to their graves,  why? How many children have you had? Why are you not firm,  smart,  healthy and attractive? If you have health issues,  darling,  pray for healing before you get married. With faith you will be healed. If you eat junks,  stop the trash and eat healthy food. Too much sugar,  red meat,  chocolates are not good for you. They are waiting to affect your body in future.

You don't talk to a man like your errand boy or primary school mate. You talk to him as your head with respect and honour. If you can't respect a man and regard him as the leader in your relationship,  forget about marriage darling or you may end up divorced.

See,  men don't joke with their stomach. Learn to cook different types of food and soup. Routine food eventually becomes tasteless and uninviting. Men love adventure. Children love adventure. Cooking different types of soup/ food make your husband stay at home and have no need wandering into bukaterias,  cafeterias,  eateries etc where daughters of Jezebel may seduce and snatch him from you!

Not by practicing for God's sake,  you are not yet married. Few months/weeks to your wedding,  learn about your sexual anatomy,  sexuality,  reproductive organs,  genitals,  etc. Be familiar with your body and prepare for quality sex IN MARRIAGE. I get too many chats from naive,  ignorant brides and it gets to me. Some even stay off sex for weeks or months on end after wedding. What's the meaning of that nonsense? If you know you will masturbate or fornicate if you will learn about your sexuality then wait at least 2 weeks to wedding and read! Take a mirror and look at your vagina, labia minora,  labia majora,  clitoris,  vagina entrance,  some say if you look close enough you will see your hymen. Each part has its functions in marriage. Get EVERY WOMAN and read. It will help you understand your body better as a woman.

A woman who cannot pray is not ready for marriage! Your husband has a great destiny to fulfil,  you have a great destiny to fulfil,  your children has a great destiny to fulfil and the devil won't fold his arms and watch protect your family by soaking them in prayer! If you are a lazy spiritual bum as a single lady,  your prayer life will end up a sorry case after marriage!

Before  you become a wife,  prepare well so you do not end up a failure in your husbands house. May the Lord grant you understanding.

Thanks for reading. God bless you. Cheers!

Joy Anamelechi Uchechukwu.