Monday, April 27, 2020


Child up bringing is everything

The values we inculcate in our children at the very early stage of their lives builds them into the kind of adults they will become. Ever heard of the Bible quotation "train up a hold the way he should go, such that when he grows, he will not depart from it".  If you don't train your children well at the tender age, you will love to hire lawyers to defend them in court when they are adults. Remember, it's kids today, adults tomorrow. So in today's article, we will be looking at some basics on how to train our children right:
1: Warn your Girl Child Never to sit on anyone's laps no matter the situation including uncles.

2: Avoid Getting Dressed in front of your child once he/she is 2 years old. Learn to excuse them or yourself.

3. Never allow any adult refer to your child as 'my wife' or 'my husband'

4. Whenever your child goes out to play with friends make sure you look for a way to find out what kind of play they do, because young people now sexually abuse themselves.

5. Never force your child to visit any adult he or she is not comfortable with and also be observant if your child becomes too fond of a particular adult.

6. Once a very lively child suddenly becomes withdrawn you may need to patiently ask lots of questions from your child.

7. Carefully educate your grown ups about the right values of sex . If you don't, the society will teach them the wrong values.

8: It is always advisable you go through any new Material like cartoons you just bought for them before they start seeing it themselves.

9. Ensure you activate parental controls on your cable networks and advice your friends especially those your child(ren) visit(s) often.

10. Teach your 3 year olds how to wash their private parts properly and warn them never to allow anyone touch those areas and that includes you (remember, charity begins from home and with you).

11: Blacklist some materials/associates you think could threaten the sanity of your child (this includes music, movies and even friends and families).

12. Let your child(ren) understand the value of standing out of the crowd.

13: Once your child complains about a particular person, don't keep quiet about it. Take up the case and show them you can defend them.

14. You also need to teach them how to study the words of God, how to pray and also lead them to Christ. It's very important.

Remember, we are either parents or parents-to-be. What our children become tomorrow is a product of what we have invested in them as values and moral rectitude. Our labor over our children will never be in vain in Jesus name.

© The States Lady

Sunday, April 12, 2020


Healthy parenting is key if we must raise responsible children

Today’s world is getting worse because a lot of parents aren’t doing a good job with their kids. Raising a child might not really be an easy task, especially when you have to juggle parenting and your career together.

A parent is a child’s first influence, and being a good parent will go a long way in that child’s life.

Being a good man/woman wouldn’t necessarily make you a good parent; it’s being a good father/mother, figurehead, role model etc that will make you a good parent.

These are some ways you can be a good parent.

1. A good parent is involved in the daily growth of their children. A good parent doesn’t only cater for the child, but is involved in the growth of that child.

2. Children learn a lot from the examples parents show them; they’re watching you even when you don’t know it. A good parent sets good examples at all times. Like they say: “Children do what you do, not what you say”.

3. A good parent is involved in the child’s education. A good parent is interested in the child’s education and is involved in it.

4. A good parent tries to help create a balance for the child in not only education, but various aspects of the child’s life — morally, socially and spiritually.

5. A good parent corrects the child from a young age, and teaches the child what’s right and what’s wrong.

6. A good parent teaches the child to have certain core values like respect for others, selflessness, to apologise when wrong and to maintain honesty at all times.

7. A good parent showers the child with love, and is emotionally available for their child.

8. A good parent creates a friendly and positive relationship with their child. A good parent isn’t distant from their child.

9. A good parent knows how to talk their children, especially as they grow older. A lot of children tend to become distant from their parent as they grow older. This happens most times because many parents don’t know how to talk to their children.

10. As hard as this might be, but a good parent accords their children a degree of respect as they get older.

Being a good parent doesn’t end at providing for your children; it goes way beyond that.

By VictoryMarshal Ayafor B.


Everyone has a purpose, there is a contribution you are meant to give to your generation. Stop copying people; stop merely existing, live out your purpose. Find yourself, find your purpose and excel in it. It is only in finding and pursuing ayour purpose that you will find true fulfillment in life. If you want to be fulfilled, happy, content, and experience inner peace and ultimate fulfillment, it’s critical that you learn how to find your passion and life purpose. Without a life purpose as the compass to guide you, your goals and action plans may not ultimately fulfill you.
Find your purpose by paying keen attention to the following:

1. "What you love to do even without pay'
Is there something you enjoy doing and you would do even if not paid for it? And you end up charging people for you to do it just because you have needs and must earn a living? What is your consuming passion? What is that thing  that you can do 24/7 and even if they don't pay you on that, you still derive fulfillment? I dare you to find your passion, for there your purpose.

2. "What angers you to action"
Is there something happening in society that makes you mad and inspires you to change it? Do you hate seeing broken marriages, or hurting orphans, or illiteracy in people, or the environment being destroyed? There lies your purpose

3. "What do people say you are good at?"
Is there something you do so effortlessly and naturally yet people marvel at it? Something many people tell you how great you are at it? There lies your purpose

4. "The struggles that have shaped you"
The pains, darkness, your past experiences and challenges we face in life prepare us for our purpose. Don't look at your past struggles as moments of shame but moments of insight

5. "The things you often critic"
Is there an area you like to give an opinion on? Do you see people shadily dressed and want to suggest how best they could have done it? Maybe your purpose is in line with fashion. Do you go to events and end up criticizing how late it started, how poor the decor was done and how bad the sound was? Maybe your purpose is in event organizing

6. "The hints your childhood gave"
Your purpose could have been trying to be expressed when you were a child. When a little one what did you love to do? Pay attention to your childhood, in your childhood your passion was innocent, real and true

7. "The things that you keep pursuing even when you fail"
Is there something you keep chasing after even when you hit walls or get discouraged? Something you want to fight for no matter how difficult? There lies your purpose

8. "The school subjects you excel in"
Look at the subjects in school, which ones did you/ do you perform well in. In the subjects in line with our purpose we don't cram to pass exams, we read to understand; we read beyond our school curriculum, we hunger to know more about the subject outside school

9. "The issues that move your heart"
What things in life move your heart, some of them moving you to the point you get teary? Pay attention to what gives your heart a kick and joy, there lies your purpose

10. "The things you love to do before life discouraged you"
Go back in time, back before you stopped dreaming, what were you fired up about? There lies your purpose

11. "The areas you would invest in if you had unlimited money"
If you had a lot of money, beyond your basic needs where would you invest? Your purpose is tied to what you would give wealth to

12. "The problems people run to you for solutions"
Are there issues that people turn to you to solve, areas where you love giving solutions? People are turning to you because your purpose is already showing to them. When living out your purpose to people you appear a master in that area

13. "The things you do that bring you fulfillment"
What do you do that makes you feel alive, you end the day feeling wonderful having done it? There lies your purpose

14. "The things you feel empty when you don't do them"
This is not about an addiction but noble tasks. Are there noble tasks and ventures you feel empty and unsettled when you don't do them? There lies your purpose. Don't deny yourself the chance to do them

15. "The things you do that bring out your confidence"
When you're living out your purpose you are your most confident, your face lights up when talking about it. Pay attention to your confident levels, where you glow and feel in your element, there lies your purpose
You’ve got big dreams and ambitions. Now, it’s time to start acting on them while taking your life to a whole new level. I’d like to invite you to sign up for my free webcast called the Success Formula.

I continually ask my clients and counselees the same exact questions I’m about to ask you now:

Are you where you want to be?
Have you accomplished all you thought you would by now?
Are you enjoying the lifestyle, travel, weekends and leisure pursuits you’ve always dreamed of?
Do you want a more fulfilling career or business?
Could your relationships be deeper, more rewarding, and more meaningful?
If not, I’d like to challenge you to up-level every single aspect of your life, career, and lifestyle, STARTING NOW. I believe with the right tools, everyone can cultivate a mindset of success, and discover their greatest life purpose.

© The States Lady

VictoryMarshal Ayafor fondly called THE STATES LADY is a Journalist by profession,  motivational speaker, life coach, relationship expert, self actualisation consultant and certified Psychotherapist in private practice.

Friday, April 10, 2020


With each generation, divorce rates seem to be on the increase and couples of today are usually quick to end their marriage without putting reasonable efforts to save it.
These are some bitter truths you should know about divorce:

1. Bad marriage is a product of both partners and not just one, but couples somehow tend to blame each other when the marriage goes bad.

2. A sustainable marriage isn’t just about love, but tolerance also. When any of these two is lacking, your marriage would suffer.

3. Your children suffer the most when they see their parents fight each other for a divorce. Even if they don’t tell you, they feel a lot of pain and grief.

4. Your kids would always have that wish that their parents come back together and live like one big happy family.

5. The period of divorce would bring some traits you wouldn’t believe you have.

6. Many marriages don’t just end after divorce, especially when they have kids. The marriage might be over but some things could still linger on.

7. Divorce could make you both lose your minds.

8. Divorce isn’t just about you and your spouse. Your children also have their own share of the experience and you wouldn’t believe what’s going on in their minds.

9. Sharing properties isn’t that easy. When two people build a union over the years, they acquire property together and to share it when they want to go their separate ways is not an easy task.

10. Most partners don’t try to save their marriage till it’s pretty late and the problems have reached a point where it cannot be solved.

These are some bitter truths about divorce many couples are unaware of.

Monday, April 6, 2020


Find a job you will passionately wake up to everyday

Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with the job you do? It's never too late to completely reinvent yourself and become the person you've always wanted to be. Dare to live a fulfilled and purpose oriented life even if it means you making less money on that. Once you're on your life purpose and doing what you were born to do, there is a fulfillment and satisfaction you get in life that no amount of money can ever buy. 

True success in life is discovering your purpose for living and investing all your passion and potential in that pursuit to become all what you can ever dream to be. So with great love and respect,I challenge you to rethink your life and bring it back on course. If you are not happy with your job, quit it and find your passion and purpose to build a profession around it. If you're not happy with the quality of your life, reinvent it. Always remember, whether you are the CEO of the world's top company or a simple janitor, we all will end up as dust. It's not about the job title you hold, but the job satisfaction and fulfillment you get on the job. What matters is how fulfilled you led your life and how many lives you touched, how much you made the world a better place in the course of living your life.

If you're not happy with your life purpose, your job or your meaning in life, change it. It's ok to make less money doing something you love and are passionate about than making mega boxes on a job you feel drained, exhausted and unfulfilled on. You don't have to keep up with competition or what people will say or think of you. It's your life and you're the one who is responsible for your happiness and fulfillment in life. Don't fear being judged by people because you don't have that great job title or living they life of their expectations. It's your life and what matters most is your fulfillment. So live it on your own terms.

Don't look back at the end of your life and see unfulfilled dreams or chances you didn't take and days that were just wasted away on a job that you hated and were just doing perhaps for the attractive pay package. Don't be so busy making a living that you actually forget making a life. Because life is so short. Do something that you love and are proud of it, something that will create lasting impact and a legendary legacy when u're gone. And when u're not working, spend that time with the people you love. Always know you weren't born to just work to pay the bills and die. You were born to fulfill your life purpose through what you do as work or your job.

© The States Lady

VictoryMarshal Ayafor fondly called THE STATES LADY is a Journalist by profession,  motivational speaker, life coach, relationship expert, self actualisation consultant and certified Psychologist in private practice.
For counseling and our life coaching services, call or Whatsapp us at
 + (237) 676865480.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020


1. An immature woman desperately looks for attention. She is loose. She has an unhealthy dependency on attention; her body and sexual flirts is her only billboard to gain attention.... A mature woman attracts admiration by what she does, her reputation draws people to her, her body is not a billboard but the carrier of her greatness that lies inside, she grows her mind and heart; attention finds her she doesn't look for it.

2. An immature woman uses what is between her legs as a weapon of power. She boasts "I have the vagina so I make all the rules". She uses sex as a war card in battling her husband. She confuses the lust men have for her to mean she is incharge, but in essence, she is just a doll in a game of men who just want to use her... A mature woman doesn't play with sex. She holds sex in high regard, wouldn't deny her husband love making just to get back at him. She knows sex is not a weapon or bait but an expression of intimacy and love. When a man gets to her vagina, it's not because he's conquered or has reached the highest level of a casual game; but because she loves him.

3. An immature woman makes decisions based on rumors. She acts on rumors, she would break up with her man based on the rumors she's heard about him. She gossips, is driven by emotions... A mature woman searches for the truth. She has no time for gossip and small talk. She makes decisions on facts, and respectfully confronts her man when she hears something unsettling; not trusting outsiders. She is not controlled by her emotions, she controls her emotions.

4. An immature woman equates a great man to merely having wealth. She belittles men who have few resources, she is attracted first by material things, she fails to see the many great men who have become icons and successful, not out of being rich but through their character, she is shallow... A mature woman looks at a man's character. She realizes that a man who has little today can have plenty tomorrow, she believes in hardwork and can rejoice in the success of a wealthy man and also spot a man who is heading to greatness. She is not moved by wealth because she is looking for more. She builds her own wealth and wants a man to build an empire with 

5. An immature woman allows people's opinion to bully her and sink her, she pays too much attention to what people think, she never makes any move because of fear of outsider's voices... A mature woman is firm in her identity. Hate her and she will still be her, laugh at her and she will still soldier on, tell her it's impossible she will still pursue her dreams, she is confident in who she is.

6. An immature woman is lazy, she looks for a man who can be a sponsor, she is a gold-digger, she wastes all the years of education her parents invested in her by sitting down and waiting for a man to worship her and be a giver to her, her laziness is a burden no matter how beautiful or sexy she is... A mature woman wants to give. She wants to contribute, she is a hardworker, she is not looking for favors, she may be a housewife or having a rich man but she will still work hard and give even if not financially. She loves it when she does things for her man and for others.

7. An immature woman, if she is a single mother, she hates her child because the child reminds her of the man who impregnated her. She takes out the hate for her ex on the child she had with him, she mistreats her own child or avoids spending much time with her own child out of disgust.... A mature woman is the best mother whether with her man or as a single mum. She forgives and lets go of the man if he leaves and loves on the child. She showers her own child with love, not punishing the child for the wrongs of the father.

8. An immature woman wages a war against men, she uses the past struggles caused by men as an excuse to hate on every man. The wrongs done to her by one man or a few men shapes how she sees every man. She lives life as a battle of sexes and indoctrinates other women and girls with this anti-men philosophy.... A mature woman respects men, she doesn't see men as enemies, she judges every man individually without generalization, she believes every man should be given a chance just like every woman, she sees the ideal situation as men and women building a better world.

9. An immature woman breaks her own home with her toxic words and unloving deeds towards her man. She makes loving her difficult... A mature woman builds her home. She is lovable. She is faithful, she keeps off her friend's man. If her man cheats on her she wouldn't cheat in revenge but walk away with her dignity of seek a solution only if he is committed to change 

10. An immature woman is her own worst enemy. She beats herself down, gives up on herself, loves playing the victim. She looks at the mirror and she's herself as ugly. She hates her body, has a low self esteem, forgives others but doesn't forgive herself, crucifies herself for her past sins and feels deserving of crap and mediocre... A mature woman is her own best friend. She encourages herself. Others may not believe in her but she'll never give up on herself. She is confident in her beauty. She loves her body knowing she has only that body all her life. She treats herself well, forgives others and herself, refuses to be a slave of her own negative thoughts. She glows.

© The States Lady


1. An immature man pursues sex for the sake of hornyness. A mature man pursues love; sex finds context in love.

2. An immature man worships money, he chases after money and wants to get rich in order to brag and show off. A mature man makes money serve him, he attracts money, uses money to effect an impact on earth.

3. An immature man sees asking for help as a shame. A mature man asks for help when lost or in need, he knows pride can keep you from learning and growing.

4. An immature man thinks the world loves to bash men. A mature man understands that demand should be placed on men, a man should play his role in society, if bashing takes place it's because many men have failed, he understands if men will hold the title of "Head of the family" they should also rise to the responsibility.

5. An immature man is threatened by an empowered woman, he demeans women and the girl child, he rapes. A mature man supports the girl-child as he mentors the boy-child. He celebrates the success of women, seeing women as equals and contributors who for far too long have been sat on to carry the manly ego.

6. An immature man rejects his own child, he runs away from his responsibilities and abandons the woman he impregnates. A mature man mans up to the consequences of his actions, he would never reject his own seed, he does what is right no matter how tough.

7. An immature man destroys his own family, he is unfaithful, he abandons his home, fails his children. A mature man stays faithful to the woman he proposed to and married, he protects his marriage and family, defends his wife from stress and pain, he is an anchor and protector, finds fulfilment in faithfulness, being a good husband and father.

8. An immature man blames the shortcomings of his father and society for his wrongs, if his father was absent or abusive he blames his reckless and abusive ways on his father. A mature man takes charge of himself despite the past, he corrects the wrongs done to him and mentors boys to become better men.

9.  An immature man finds it weak to apologize when he errs and finds it weak to show love. A mature man lives by values, he says sorry without being forced, he finds power in love, love is for the brave, pride and arrogance is for the small cowards.

10. An immature man is influenced by his peers, he lives to please his boys, he bows down to peer pressure, easily misled. A mature man is his own man, firm in identity, he is a leader, influencing for good.

© The States Lady